Chapter 3: Unveiling Love

Mastering Love: A Journey Towards Authentic Connection 

Was it surprising to find praising yourself for a continuous ten minutes challenging? Imagine if the task was to extol the virtues of the divine or to compliment another person. You might have found it within you to extend that praise far beyond thirty minutes. This disparity in our ability to express self-appreciation versus our readiness to laud others reveals a profound truth about our learned frameworks of love.

The Origin of Our Love Framework

From a tender age, our understanding of love and validation was sculpted by those around us. We were encouraged to offer praise outwardly—to the divine, to our peers, to authority figures. Yet, when it came to self-praise, society often branded it as vanity. This dichotomy is a reflection of a broader socialization pattern, where seeking external validation and affection was normalized, overshadowing the intrinsic value of self-love and internal validation.

As children, our cries—expressions of our most primal needs—were often quieted with external stimuli: food, toys, or digital screens. Though well-intentioned, these responses subtly taught us to seek fulfillment and happiness externally. This early conditioning extended into our understanding and pursuit of love. Love, as we came to know it, became a transactional affair, where validation was earned through achievements and compliance, and withheld during failures.

The School of Conditional Love

Our educational systems reinforced this conditional love, applauding academic success while neglecting to acknowledge the value of effort, creativity, or non-academic talents. This skewed recognition propelled us into an endless quest to meet externally set standards, gradually eroding our authentic selves. We transformed from 'human beings' to 'human doings,' valuing ourselves not for who we were but for what we could achieve or provide.
In our relationships, we often gravitated towards those who appeared to fill the voids within us, mistaking their attention for love. Yet, time and heartbreaks revealed a harsh truth: those we sought love from were themselves seekers of love, their needs bottomless pits we could not fill with material gifts or physical affection.

The Journey Inward

The real journey towards understanding love begins with a retreat into our inner selves. It's in embracing our authentic essence that we begin to unravel the true meaning of love—a force not contingent upon external validation or achievement - but a state of being that flourishes from within.
In understanding that love is an inward journey before it becomes an outward expression, may you find the courage to embrace your true self. Only then can you experience love in its purest form—unconditional, boundless, and profoundly fulfilling.

I am a Saviour

Reflection Questions:

• Reflect on a moment when external validation felt like love.
• How did that moment shape your understanding of love?
• Can you identify instances where you sought external solutions to internal needs?
• How might recognizing this pattern change your approach to self-love and relationships?
• How does the concept of being a 'human doing' resonate with your personal experience?
• What steps can you take to embrace being a 'human being'?
• Consider the last time you felt authentically seen or loved for who you are, not what you've done.
• What did that experience teach you about love?
• What does stepping back within yourself to capture the 'authentic you' look like?
• How can this journey alter your perception and experience of love?